This year my hubby and I celebrate 24 years of marriage. It has been a long haul! Just kidding! Our friends occasionally ask about the secrets to our success so in honor of our anniversary, I thought I would jot them down. Here are the top six:

1) We don’t buy each other presents.

We never have. Yep, you read that right! In 24 years, Freddy has never given me a Christmas present. When we first married, we didn’t have any money. We had a hard time making ends meet, and there was nothing in the budget for extras. Once kids came along, we scrounged up money to buy them presents. Now we are more comfortable, but we still don’t buy each other presents for birthdays, Christmas, Valentines etc.

This may sound odd, but it is actually nice not to stress over the ‘perfect gift’ to get each other. We gave ourselves freedom from the ‘buying the perfect present’ game years ago, and it is probably the best thing we have ever done for our marriage.

If you take the expectation out of the holiday and the gift, you are more likely to enjoy the day.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying we NEVER buy presents for each other. We do give each other gifts and treats sprinkled throughout the year… but it’s not expected. It is a surprise. One year on Valentines Day, a singing quartet came to my office and delivered chocolate-covered strawberries. I didn’t expect anything that year except a kiss and a “Happy Valentine’s Day!”

The expectation of a gift rarely satisfies, but a surprise always does!

We don’t routinely buy things for each other, but when we do… it is memorable, and it means everything!

2) We don’t depend upon each other for our happiness.

I believe that most people in the world are unhappy because they do not take responsibility for their own happiness.

Do yourself and your relationship a favor… do not depend on anyone else for your own happiness.

This single sentence is probably the reason our marriage has lasted as long as it has. So many women tell me their husband does not make them happy. They never buy them things. They are not romantic. They don’t give them any attention.

Freddy compliment’s my life, but he is not my entire life. I do not depend on him, or any other person to satisfy me, or give me reason to live. Now, I would be lost and heart-broken without him… he is my best friend, but I am not disappointed when he doesn’t follow through with every single thing I want. He is human; he cannot read my mind, and his job description does not include making me happy. That is my job.

He is, however, the most unselfish person I know. I also try to go out of my way to be the best wife I can because I love him. We are happy… together.

3) We have our own life.

Yeah, we were inseparable when we first started dating like every other couple in love, but after a few years we figured out that our relationship was actually stronger when we developed interests outside of our love affair.

We both have interesting careers and we both spend time away from each other in our own hobbies. Our individual interests gave us something to TALK about when we are together! Have you and your mate run out of things to say to each other? Well, try having a life outside of your marriage.

4) We travel somewhere.

every year! We keep it interesting. We get out of our element. When you travel, you get out of your comfort zone and learn to depend upon each other in a way that you don’t have to when you are at home. We don’t just travel to cushy places… we visit exotic areas… destinations where we may not speak the language. Talk about getting out of your comfort zone! Vacation in an area where they don’t speak English… you will definitely depend up each other.

We have climbed glaciers in Alaska, walked on fresh lava from a volcano in Hawaii, ziplined 400 ft off the side of a mountain, and braved the Canadian Rocky mountains during a week-long survivor camp. These challenges and the memories draw us together. Try to find weird, off the beaten path places to explore.

We still go to the beach and have the conventional vacation, but it is the adventurous trips we remember most.

5) We are REALLY good at arguing!!!

We are both type A personalities, first born children, passionate, and authority figures (he’s a police officer, and I’m a dentist) so we are both used to getting our way. This makes for some pretty interesting arguments!

When we argue, we NEVER bring up the past. This is a tough one, but very important. We do not allow the past to come into our relationship. Yes, we fight but once we fought about it-we forget it. Well, maybe we don’t forget it, but once it’s resolved, we never bring it up again at least during another argument. That argument is over… we have already resolved the issue. It’s not fair to bring that trash into the current problem. Whatever we are fighting about at that moment… that’s the only thing we fight about.

When we argue, we are more concerned about finding a solution than determining who is right. This is not a contest to prove who is right and who is wrong. When we argue, our intent is not to hurt each other… we are trying to find a solution to the problem.

And finally, the best part is… no matter what we are fighting about, or if we have hurt one another, only two words are required to get back in our good grace… I’m sorry. No explanation, we don’t expect each other to be perfect, we both make mistakes… I’m sorry is all it takes to end an argument. We don’t try to ‘get each other back,’ or ‘teach them a lesson,’ no ‘hold a grudge.’ It’s simple really – I’m sorry.

6) We are best friends.

Many young people ask us, “How do you know if this is the person you should marry?” I always ask them to think about whether they would want to travel cross country with this person. Would they want to be trapped in a car for five days solid with this one person? Could they sit beside them on an airplane for 14 hours traveling to Europe. How about camping in a tent on the side of a mountain… completely alone.

The reason why I ask this is… of all the people that I know, Freddy is the person I like being around the best. He is the one I would travel cross country with, sit next to on an airplane, and share a tent on a mountain, because although he is my husband, he is and has always been my best friend.

Two years ago, Freddy and I went on a cruise without the kids. In the formal dining room, we were assigned a small table by ourselves instead with other couples at one of the larger tables. We were a little disappointed because we actually enjoy meeting other people on these cruises, but we made the best of the situation. However, I think Freddy and I had more fun alone at our table than the other couples did around us. The third night, the waiter asked if we were honeymooners because we were talking, laughing, and carrying on.